Painful

There are a million things going through my head,
All of them saying that they want me dead,
But no stay strong and fight the pain,
Even though i am the one to blame,
The pain and hurt inflicted on me,
Is not as much hurt that it should be,
I should have fell to the floor all tight in a ball,
With blood all around and an ambulance on call,
No it’s just cuts and marks by the way,
Never say it’s your fault I beg you, have I prayed,
I do this for reasons, i do this for me,
Because is nothing like i want to be,
I want to be normal and all okay,
I want to stop lying just for a day,
I want to be special and make my mum proud,
Don’t want to be quiet i want to be loud,
I want parties and drinking an don’t staying in,
I just want the good life to begin,
But this isn’t me standing here,
The fatty, the ugly, the fucking queer,
You might think this is harsh but to me it is true,
I’m not nearly as perfect and gorgeous as you,
So i make my marks and they make me, me,
Only problem is that you can see,
See all this pain that i put onto me,
By knowing that we will never be
But I’m fine, i survive with a grin and a smile,
I’ll be fine just for a little while

You Were My Angel

To me girl, you were an angel,
You were my heart and everything u can see,
You were my baby, you were my baby,
And you were all of the world to me,
Now baby, there is no more crying,
Now I’m gone, maybe you’ll be okay,
And I am so sorry, that baby I hurt you,
And I can never make it all okay,
To me girl, you were an angel,
You were my heart and everything u can see,
You were my baby, you were my baby,
And you were all of the world to me,
Look I know I, feel to hard,
And we talked, to much everyday,
But hey I’ll tell you, I’ll take what I needed,
Before some guy comes and takes you all away,
To me girl, you were an angel,
You were my heart and everything u can see,
You were my baby, you were my baby,
And you were all of the world to me,
Now your gone and my arms feel weaker,
Now ones there to make me okay,
Because oh girl! I need my baby,
But hey I drove my baby away!
To me girl, you were an angel,
You were my heart and everything u can see,
You were my baby, you were my baby,
And you were all of the world to me,
You we’re all of the world too me,

Mrs Jones

Look i know that i’ve changed from who you want me to be,
and i’m sorry that you don’t like the new me
But its the only thing i am keeping strong while i can,
holding back the tears being a real man,
while on the inside my scared and screaming out,
and i really want to punch things, cry and shout,
but that wont do me any good so i keep the emotions locked away,
keep them till i’m better for that new sunny day
so if you don’t like this person i am being then i’m sorry but you see,
i cant get better if i keep being me,
I need to sort out my head because its making me sick,
Its making me think this is really going to be it,
and im scared and i worry what if i don’t get help soon enough,
then i guess its the end, deal with it, tough,
I want to be here so i can wait for you,
wait to see if you will realize you want me to,
Even if that doesn’t happen i promised id never stop,
Never going to stop until i’m standing at the top,
Looking down, on the earth, clouds all around me,
Looking down and you waiting but you cant see,
that i’m happy in the clouds but i’m always there,
and that i love you and that i will always care,
Every time i close my eyes all i see its cloud,
and every noise that i hear is just fucking loud,
Put music on to keep it out my head,
but it creeps in the gaps and shouts at me instead,
says that she doesn’t love me, that i’m ugly and they hate me to,
and that the world would be better if it doesn’t have you,
they tell me they will hurt you if i don’t do what they say,
say after this date i cant live another day,
or they will make you take my place and then take me too,
and i don’t know what the world would do if it was to loose you,
you see your always in my head and they are too,
so they see how much i care and think about you,
so they take everything that i love and tell me they will make it go,
but they will let you stay if well that you know,
sometimes they just whisper your name real low,
almost like they are calling you so you can follow them and go,
taunting me, telling me, they can take you, you see,
that i’m not the only one they can do it to, its not only me,
then when there nice they tell me of a place far, far away,
a new world where i can live, grow and play,
its exactly the same just no hate and you are there,
all i have to say is ill meet you there,
and i wake up in my bed and everything’s okay,
i recognize myself in the mirror and the pain goes away,
you see when i look in the mirror its a person but not me,
and i’ve learnt to adapt so that there is something i see,
they told me its not me and i don’t look that way,
that i have blond hair and i’m prettier and a bigger smile everyday,
so i don’t know what to do because there always in my head,
always whispering to me after this day you will be dead.

The Girl

You see I’m stuck in a pickle,
And I can’t get through,
All this writing and dreaming,
Constantly thinking of you,
It’s the same old story,
And no one cares,
Take a look in the mirror,
And it’s not you there,
The girl when left alone,
She can’t tell what’s going on,
But you see a shining star,
And the voice behind a song,
And it’s true that when she’s left alone,
She can’t hold back the tears,
But she knows if she stays strong,
She can make it through the years,
You see there is this person,
Oops I can’t say,
There the reason for my smile,
The reason I’m okay,
Even though it kills me,
I can’t be there,
All this waiting and loving,
Showing them I care,
The girl when left alone,
She can’t tell what’s going on,
But you see a shining star,
And the voice behind a song,
And it’s true that when she’s left alone,
She can’t hold back the tears,
But she knows if she stays strong,
She can make it through the years,
The tears do flow,
Something she does know,
But she knows she’ll be okay,
She can make it go her way,
Now you this person,
They know all about me,
Always wonder and thinking,
What the hell do u see?
Just a girl who breaks down?
When she’s alone,
Scared to be in the pitch dark,
So she calls your phone!
The girl when left alone,
She can’t tell what’s going on,
But you see a shining star,
And the voice behind a song,
And it’s true that when she’s left alone,
She can’t hold back the tears,
But she knows if she stays strong,
She can make it through the years,

Lock It Away

I look in the mirror,
But I can’t see me,
All this time I’m starring,
Who can this be?
With eyes so dark,
And as black as the night sky,
Someone who hates you,
So you want to hide,
I pound my fists in the wall,
I can’t win,
I’ve been through it all,
But I can’t begin,
To understand,
Why I’m not okay,
So I lock it all,
I lock it all away,
My friends they plead,
Please just stay,
So I hold them close,
Tell them will be okay,
I watch them cry,
And I can’t help but cry to,
The only thing that stops me,
Is the face on you?
I pound my fists in the wall,
I can’t win,
I’ve been through it all,
But I can’t begin,
To understand,
Why I’m not okay,
So I lock it all,
I lock it all away,
It happens all the time,
But I don’t know,
What it is inside me,
That thing I can’t show,
All of the darkness,
I hide it all away,
I’m afraid if I show it,
You’ll run away.

Need To Start Talking

I need to start talking about my head.
I need to start talking about why I want me dead.
The fact in the mirror I can’t see me.
Takes me a few minutes to process what I see.
But you see all of the darkness I see behind my eyes.
And the scars on my arms are the perfect despise.
The only thing I recognise the thing that makes me, me.
Is the scars on my arms the first things I can see?
I look in the mirror and smile and who is there.
Someone I don’t recognise but hey you don’t care.
No one gets there are voices all in my head.
No one gets that I’m crazy and I want to be dead.
Then I won’t see me and the voices will go.
There scary and poison yet you won’t let me let go.
People say that it’s selfish to just up and leave.
But they don’t see all the hurt behind the sleeve.
Drowning, pills, cutting or jump.
I don’t know which one place my head on a stump.
Either way I do it I will be dead.
At least then nothing more in my head.
I don’t care if its morbid I want it to stop.
I want to be normal I just want to drop.
All this worry about you finding out and leaving me on my own.
This thing that defines me right threw to my bone.
I want to smash all the mirrors and the demon I see.
The demon that replaced my image of exactly what I see.
I’m scared to shout out cause what if no one can see.
That I’m scared one day I’m really going to hurt me.
I promised I wouldn’t, I promised id stop.
But I think I should just be cleaned up with a mop.
I dream about drowning and popping the pill.
But I always wake up because you give me the will.
But what if it’s not enough, what if I can’t win.
What if actually I’m a demon and I commit all the sin.
Then i go straight back to heaven with more knowledge than I need.
It’s Satan in my head who planted the seed.
I need church, I need to pray.
I need all the voices to just go away.
I can’t talk to my mum because she worries you see.
She has too much to deal with she doesn’t need me.
Now that my dad is gone and I can’t at him back.
Why would he want a crazy daughter to mess with his track?
My grandma doesn’t need it she’s dying you see.
Going straight to the north when it’s south for me.
My cousins they want to help but they won’t.
They want me better but I bet I won’t.
Curl up in a ball and cry it all out.
Wish I was alone so I could punch things and shout.
I want to make marks going all down my arm.
I want to feel pain I want to be harmed.
Because by feeling the pain it is all okay.
And if I feel pain it keeps the demon at bay.
So if you read this I’m crazy and I have all this shit.
But I will be fine, just give me a little bit

Mirrors

I don’t want to look in the mirror, and not see me.
Scared to look at a picture, who can it be?
I want to make it someday, but i can’t tell,
What I’ll be, or if I’ll do it well.
Because, i can’t believe it is starting to see,
There is someone in there, and that one is me.
It’s coming slowly, but coming all the same,
I can see it when you call my name,
I might break down, once in a while,
Just be there for me, it’s worth a trial,
I might push you away, but i want you close,
Try with me because, I’ve been through the most,
But there might be more, and that’s okay,
Ill hold my head up high, because is here to stay,
I scare myself sometimes, when i fall down,
scared i wont get back up, and look all around,
at everyone thats there, i cant let go,
they mean to much to me and they dont know,
that they hold me strong just by saying hey,
How have you been or how was your day,
Just be knowing they are there for me to run to,
But all these people… they art you.
My Head
Okay so here’s where i tell you all about me.
Everything is feeling everything i see.
Let’s start off with you and how you make me feel.
Like everything in life is starting be become real.
You know that is crazy and hurting and becoming new.
Becoming something that will affect you to.
Is trying to get better and talk about me.
But it’s taking a while and you’re the only one who can see.
You tell me were nothing but friends by the way.
Which i can handle as long as you stay.
Yeh okay we do stuff that means nothing to you.
And you know it means something to me and that’s true.
But it doesn’t mean as much to me as you think.
We start it, we finish, and it’s over, as soon as I blink.
It would mean more to me if you were really here.
But you’re not and that’s fine because that would make you queer.
Which i know that you’re not and sometimes that’s okay.
But i forget then upset myself then i run right away.
Cause is hurt and is hurting not from you but from me.
And is scared that you’ll run because you don’t like what you see.
I know how it all started wasn’t okay.
But it made us, us and i don’t regret it at all by the way.
Yeh it messed with my head but it messed with yours too.
Because you have to deal with all the crazy that i put onto you.
You say you want me to talk like normal friends do.
Let’s be honest were not normal friends, were just me and you.
But i talk to you more than i talk to most.
But sometimes Yeh there is a demon and is just the host.
So as time goes on it will all be okay.
We will be real friend, proper friends just give it time and don’t run away.
I want you to feel special and wanted i do.
And i want you to also feel like i have a friend in you.
Is trying to rhyme this cause it get more out that way.
I want you to be here for me so i beg you to stay.
You say it’s the past but it will always be there.
And we can’t change it but we have to beware.
If you pretend it didn’t happen and pretend its all okay.
It will pop back upon us on a different day.
So let’s carry on like we have done for the two weeks it has been.
You’re the happiest vie seen.
Is not going to wreck it, i promise you this.
I will stop with the late nights and feelings of bliss.
Okay Yeh it was fun and felt so good every day.
But i don’t want you to feel guilty and not okay.
Can we stop moping around its annoying i just want to see you smile.
And we can put off fighting just for a while.
So i think this is everything that is in my head.
Other than other things but read below they are said.
So i think vie left you long enough on hold.
Read this and tell me if is wrong i need to be told.
Ah i can never end these cause i never know what to say.
So is going to keep rambling on and on by the way.
Is Dr. Seuss ha-ha look at me?
Rhyming my words look can you see?
Is so smart and funny omg i am vain to?
Is joking trying to make you smile and hey we can start anew.
Is going to stop now cause is chatting shit.
I hope you understand this just a little bit.

Ariel

When a friend is hurt, what can you do?
Show your support let them cry to you
A stupid boy causes so much pain
She calls him god but we call him Kane
Time after time we watch you cry,
Because you’re so scared to tell him goodbye,
You love him, he loves you, but causes you so much hurt,
Like a kick to the stomach with a fist full of dirt
We tell you you’re better without him there
Find someone new to love you who cares,
I know it’s easier said than done
You just have to let go, trust us and run,
When you’re happy, lively, older and this is no longer new
You can look back and see that what we said was true,
You deserve better than he can give you, you see,
Someone who has to same values as you and me,
Who knows how to cuddle and stop all the tears?
Someone your friends can stand to be near
To send you cute messages all through the day
Who will sit and listen to every word that you say
You deserve it without a shadow of a doubt
You need to show that beautiful smile without the painful pout,
Now I’m rambling i can never end these words
But always know you have your friends, those helpful birds
To beat up the boys who knock you down
To get drunk with on a Saturday or to take you to town
To ring up to chat or cry to what do you say
Do what’s good for you and be smiling that beautiful smile every day.

Lost

I am not your daughter and that we both know,
But you knew me from a baby and you watched me grow,
You were there to hug me when I needed you there,
Now I feel you will have a daughter and no longer care,
No more trips to the salon and no more days in town,
You have your own daughter to chauffeur around,
I’m not your blood I know that I do,
But I’ve always felt like a daughter to you,
When I’ve needed you most you’ve always been there,
When needed someone to hold be and tell me they cared,
But now that’s going to change cause you have your flesh and blood,
And everyone knows blood is thicker than mud,
Ohana means family no ones left behind,
But I’m not your family just a girl down the hall that you used to mind,
And I’m scared you will forget me and no love me anymore,
Because trust me I know loving me can be a chore,
You always seemed like the one who wouldn’t go away,
And now I’m debating whether you’re going to stay,
I don’t think you understand what you mean to me,
And I know that I’ve hurt you because I’ve been hurting me,
Because I’ve been selfish but I’m sick don’t you see,
I pushed you away so I could deal with my head and the demons in me,
But I pushed you to hard and you’re not coming back,
You don’t want me anymore you have erased the tracks,
You said it yourself you won’t treat us the same and that makes me so sad,
And I’m lying here in tears and it’s driving me mad,
Knowing everything we did you’re going to do with your kid,
But it’s going to be different cause there yours but everything that we did,
It made me so happy and it’s never been the same,
and it never will be and I am the blame,
I did all of this and hate myself every day,
For pushing my hero and my dad away,
But if I let you close again and I see you with the twin,
Then I’ll burst into tears and hurt from within,
I always saw you as my mum and I loved you so much,
And I know it’s my fault I haven’t been in touch,
But just think 15 years from now you can do it all again,
And I’ll be sat watching with more tears than the rain,
Cause all of the things that we used to do,
You’re going to do with them me and you will be threw,
I can’t believe how much I’ve cried over loosing you,
But I am to blame and this is true,
I guess it’s my punishment to sit back and watch you with the twin,
Sit back and watch what could of been.

Butterfly

Why do u see what I see in you?
Afraid that I’m lying that it isn’t true,
Your beauty, your brain there perfect can’t you see,
That you are ten times smarter and prettier than me!
You have these baby blue eyes that glisten in the sun,
And the that beautiful face when your hairs in a bun,
Don’t get me started on that figure you see,
You know I just want to run my hand over it but that’s just me,
And you brain! So much bigger than you think it could be,
You’re a genius Chloe just take it from me,
It hurts when I see you doubt you brain each day,
Because it makes me want to scream and shout at you by the way,
Because you are so smart and funny too,
Maybe exams just arn’t good for you,
And everything we have been threw just take this away,
There isn’t a minute a second a day,
That I don’t think you are beautiful, magnificent and grand,
And I swear if you make me hire a band,
If that’s the only way you’ll believe me to embarrass you and tell you I will,
Put you on Ellen, Jeremy Kyle, dr, Phil,
If u take one thing away let it be this,
Your just so beautiful, when I see you it’s bliss.