He screams, he mouths, he bumps,He foams, he rants, he thumps.His armour he has buckled on, to wageThe regulation war against the Stage;And warns his congregation all to shun‘The Presence-Chamber of the Evil One,’The subject’s sad enoughTo make him rant and puff,And fortunately, too,His Bishop’s in a pew.So REVEREND MICAH claps on extra steam,His eyes…
He was a merry genial wag,Who loved a mad conceit.If he were asked the time of day,By country bumpkins green,He not unfrequently would say,‘A quarter past thirteen.’If ever you by word of mouthInquired of MISTER FORTHThe way to somewhere in the South,He always sent you North.With little boys his beat alongHe loved to stop and…
And it’s greatly to his credit,That he is an Englishman!For he might have been a Roosian,A French, or Turk, or Proosian,Or perhaps Itali-an!But in spite of all temptations,To belong to other nations,He remains an Englishman!Hurrah!For the true-born Englishman!
My vessel starts for various partsAt twenty after three, MATILDA.I hardly know where we may go,Or if it’s near or far, MATILDA,For CAPTAIN HYDE does not confideIn any ‘fore-mast tar, MATILDA!Beneath my ban that mystic manShall suffer, COUTE QUI COUTE, MATILDA!What right has he to keep from meThe Admiralty route, MATILDA?Because, forsooth! I am a…
With ever-living glory,Will not denyHis majesty –He scorns to tell a story:He won’t exclaim,‘I blush for shame,So kindly be indulgent,’But, fierce and bold,In fiery gold,He glories all effulgent!I mean to rule the earth,As he the sky –We really know our worth,The Sun and I!Observe his flame,That placid dame,The Moon’s Celestial Highness;There’s not a traceUpon her…
In a damp funereal dressing-roomIn the Theatre Royal, World.He comes to town at Christmas-time,And braves its icy breath,To play in that favourite pantomime,HARLEQUIN LIFE AND DEATH.A hoary flowing wig his weirdUnearthly cranium caps,He hangs a long benevolent beardOn a pair of empty chaps.To smooth his ghastly features downThe actor’s art he cribs, –A long and…
This pretty ballad is designedEspecially for you.Two ogres dwelt in Wickham Wold –Each TRAITS distinctive had:The younger was as good as gold,The elder was as bad.A wicked, disobedient sonWas JAMES M’ALPINE, andA contrast to the elder one,Good APPLEBODY BLAND.M’ALPINE – brutes like him are few –In greediness delights,A melancholy victim toUnchastened appetites.Good, well-bred children every…
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical,From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical;About binomial theorem I’m teeming with a lot o’ news,With interesting facts about the square of the hypotenuse,I’m very good at integral and differential…
Silent is he, for he’s modest and afraid –(Hey, but he’s timid as a youth can be!)[SHE.] I know a maid who loves a gallant youth –(Hey, but she sickens as the days go by!)SHE cannot tell him all the sad, sad truth –(Hey, but I think that little maid will die!)[BOTH.] Now tell me…
In probable succession;To teach him patience, teach him tact,How promptly in a fix to act,He should adopt, in point of fact,A manager’s profession.To that condition he should stoop(Despite a too fond mother),With eight or ten ‘stars’ in his troupe,All jealous of each other!Oh, the man who can rule a theatrical crew,Each member a genius (and…
