A dinner has been planned, hooray
and late at night we two can play.
What do you mean, my feathered dove
is it your promise to make love?
Oh yes, she says, when they retire
we’ll set my waterbed on fire.
He smiles and pictures for himself
the nighttime show with his sweet elf.
That afternoon, he stops to buy
some condoms from the serious guy
behind the counter of the store
where for your money you get more.
The pharmacist can see at once
that boy has never shot his guns.
So he explains and takes the time
to prime him for the weekend crime.
One takes this rubber, then one strips
he preaches, gives him many tips.
Be sweet and charming to the girl
and, by all means, give it a whirl!
The boy shows at the stately home
his car a vision of sheer chrome.
As dinner has been called they go
into the dining room below.
Once introduced the boy sits down
head bowed and on his face a frown.
He offers quickly to say grace
and further lowers his young face.
Now fifteen minutes, which it took
is much too long in my own book.
He failed to give a single sign,
ignored the maid who served the wine.
At last his girl approached his ear
and whispered, please my precious, dear
I did not realise you were
God-fearing, yet did it occur
that everyone is starved and must
eat this good food until they bust?
He answered, whispering as well,
I wish I had been called to Hell.
We haven’t even hugged and kissed.
Your Dad, he is a pharmacist!