Painful

There are a million things going through my head,
All of them saying that they want me dead,
But no stay strong and fight the pain,
Even though i am the one to blame,
The pain and hurt inflicted on me,
Is not as much hurt that it should be,
I should have fell to the floor all tight in a ball,
With blood all around and an ambulance on call,
No it’s just cuts and marks by the way,
Never say it’s your fault I beg you, have I prayed,
I do this for reasons, i do this for me,
Because is nothing like i want to be,
I want to be normal and all okay,
I want to stop lying just for a day,
I want to be special and make my mum proud,
Don’t want to be quiet i want to be loud,
I want parties and drinking an don’t staying in,
I just want the good life to begin,
But this isn’t me standing here,
The fatty, the ugly, the fucking queer,
You might think this is harsh but to me it is true,
I’m not nearly as perfect and gorgeous as you,
So i make my marks and they make me, me,
Only problem is that you can see,
See all this pain that i put onto me,
By knowing that we will never be
But I’m fine, i survive with a grin and a smile,
I’ll be fine just for a little while

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