Spike Milligan

Be it deathSo each passing minute with youPendulummed with sadness.So many timesI looked long into your face.I could hear the clock ticking.

Stand around in bundles of nineWhen asked how it feelsThey reply ‘Curried Eels’!Otherwise – everything’s going fine!

Around her knees, into each ear(And up nose as well, I fear)All through the night the wind grew worseIt nearly made the vicar curseThe top had fallen off the steepleJust missing him (and other people)It blew on man, it blew on beastIt blew on nun, it blew on priestIt blew the wig off Auntie Fanny-But…

I’ve learned mine can’t be filled,only alchemized. Many timesit’s become a paragraph or a page.But usually I’ve hidden it,not knowing until too latehow enormous it grows in its dark.Or how obvious it getswhen I’ve donned, say, my goodcordovans and my fine tweed vestand walked into a room with a smile.I might as well have been…

Keep those drip dry eyes straight aheadA tree? Chop it down- it’s a dangerto lightning!Pansies calling for water,Let ’em die- queer bastards-Seek comfort in the scarlet, laboursaving plastic roseFresh with the frangrance of Daz!Sunday! Pray citizen;Pray no rain will fallOn your newly polishedFour wheeledGodEnvoiBeauty is in the eye of the beholderGet it out with Optrex

Of your joy and laughterYou hold my hand and smileAs we ensconce ourselves in our world of fireOur love is all there isI touch your faceYour gentleness astounds meI’m held in the honour of your loveThen overnight, the wrold truns suor61 mInnIts past the ELevenTHH HouRRI’M A L 0 N E

‘Help, help, ‘ said the man. ‘I’m not clowning.’‘Yes, I know, I heard you before.Be patient dear man who is drowning,You, see I’ve got a disease.I’m waiting for a Doctor J. Browning.So do be patient please.’‘How long, ‘ said the man who was drowning. ‘Will it take for the Doc to arrive? ‘‘Not very long,…

The maid then rushed inAnd said with a grin,‘Pardon me, madam – you rang?’

So fair her pulsing figureNot so fairThe maniacal stareOf a husband who’s much bigger.

On the road to Mandalay.He was knocked down againBy a dust cart in SpainAnd again in Zanzibar.So,He travled at nightIn the pale moon lightAway from the traffic growlBut terrible luckHe was hit by a duckDriven by an owl.