In which thou command’st, that all she politicians
Shall forthwith be strangled and cast in the sea.
‘Tis my fortune to know a lean Benthamite spinster —
A maid, who her faith in old Jeremy puts;
Who talks, with a lisp, of the ‘last new Westminster,’
And hopes you’re delighted with ‘Mill upon Gluts’;
Who tells you how clever one Mr. Fun-blank is,
How charming his Articles ‘gainst the Nobility; —
And assures you that even a gentleman’s rank is,
In Jeremy’s school, of no sort of utility.
To see her, ye Gods, a new number perusing —
Art. 1 – ‘On the Needle’s variations’, by Pl–e;
Art. 2 – By her fav’rite Fun-blank – so amusing!
‘Dear man! he makes poetry quite a Law case.’
Art. 3 -‘Upon Fallacies’, Jeremy’s own —
(Chief Fallacy being, his hope to find readers); –
Art. 4 – ‘Upon Honesty’, author unkown; —
Art. 5 – (by the young Mr. M–) ‘Hints to Breeders’.
Oh, Sultan, oh, Sultan, though oft for the bag
And the bowstring, like thee, I am tempted to call —
Though drowning’s too good for each blue-stocking hag,
I would bag this she Benthamite first of them all!
And, lest she should ever again lift her head
From the watery bottom, her clack to renew —
As a clog, as a sinker, far better than lead,
I would hang round her neck her own darling Review.