She had much gold and silver, too
and therefore many fears.
One night I snuck up in her house,
I’d made a special key.
I was as quiet as a mouse,
and she did not hear me.
I carried a knife, an eighteen incher
and was about to thrust it down,
when Max, that awful Scottish pincher
began to bark and growl and frown.
I killed them both in expert manner,
the knife with both hands (for extra strength) .
I wasn’t sure about how deep,
that’s why I slid them width and length.
When all was quiet save my teeth
I dragged them down toward the cellar.
And dug one hole to put them in
and said ‘good work there, feller’.
The gold and silver and the money
where heavy but I took it all.
And then I thought it might be funny
to give the cops a little call.
A handkerchief on the receiver,
I spoke with accent and quite loud
to the confused ‘not-quite-believer’.
I told him what it was about.
And finally, before good bye
I couldn’t help myself to yell
that he should look now for the guy.
That’s why I’m sitting in a cell.
My aunt was old and very weak
and rich up to her ears.
Now you, the jury, all you seek
is truth you know no fears.
You want my life but I am young,
and I was poor, you know.
Of all the laws you look among
find one and let me go!
1966