That Fortune, tempted by a mark so droll,
Sprang in an kicked him to the winning pole.
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The Devil one day, coming up from the Pit,
Applied to St. Peter and begged he’d admitHim a moment for consultation.The Saint showed him in where the Master reclinedOn the throne where petitioners sought him;Both bowed, and the Evil One opened his mindConcerning the business that brought him:‘For ten million years I’ve been kept in a stewBecause you have thought me immoral;And though I…
The Senate woke; the Chairman’s snore
The startled members dreamed no more,For Steele, who long had held the floor,Had suddenly ceased talking.As, like Elijah, in his pride,He to his seat was passing,‘Go up thou baldhead!’ Reddy cried.Then six fierce bears ensued and triedTo sunder him for ‘sassing.’Two seized his legs, and one his head,The fourth his trunk, to munch on;The fifth…
The polecat, sovereign of its native wood,
The health of all the upas trees impairsBy exhalations deadlier than theirs;Poisons the rattlesnake and warts the toadThe creeks go rotten and the rocks corrode!She shakes o’er breathless hill and shrinking daleThe horrid aspergillus of her tail!From every saturated hair, till dry,The spargent fragrances divergent fly,Deafen the earth and scream along the sky!Removed to alien…
The way was long, the hill was steep,
The night enshrouded me in gloom,I heard the ocean’s distant boomThe trampling of the surges vastWas borne upon the rising blast.‘God help the mariner,’ I cried,‘Whose ship to-morrow braves the tide!’Then from the impenetrable darkA solemn voice made this remark:‘For this locality-warm, bright;Barometer unchanged; breeze light.’‘Unseen consoler-man,’ I cried,‘Whoe’er you are, where’er abide,‘Thanks-but my care…
I had a dream. The habitable earth
Of cities and of forests. Naught remainedOf its old aspect, and I only knew(As men know things in dreams, unknowing how)That this was earth and that all men were dead.On every side I saw the barren land,Even to the distant sky’s inclosing blue,Thick-pitted all with graves; and all the gravesSave one were open-not as newly…
What, madam, run for School Director? You?
That beats me! Gad! where _are_ we drifting to?In all my life I never have heard tellOf such sublime presumption, and I smellA nigger in the fence! Excuse me, madam;We statesmen sometimes speak like the old Adam.But now you mention it-well, well, who knows?We might, that’s certain, give the sex a show.I have a cousin-teacher….