That Fortune, tempted by a mark so droll,
Sprang in an kicked him to the winning pole.
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Cried Allen Forman: ‘Doctor, pray
O what may be my chances, say,Of living all my life?‘For lately I have dreamed of highAnd hempen dissolution!O doctor, doctor, how can IAmend my constitution?’The learned leech replied: ‘You’re youngAnd beautiful and strongPermit me to inspect your tongue:H’m, ah, ahem!-’tis long.’
Dear Bruner, once we had a little talk
About the manner of your moral walk:How devious the trail you made in stalking,On level ground, your law-protected game‘Another’s Dollar’ is, I think, its name.Your crooked course more recently is notSo blamable; for, truly, you have stumbledOn evil days; and ’tis your luckless lotTo traverse spaces (with a spirit humbled,Contrite, dejected and divinely sad)Where, ’tis…
Dom Pedro, Emperor of far Brazil
They say that you’re imperially ill,And threatened with paralysis. Tut-tut!Though Emperors are mortal, nothing butA nimble thunderbolt could catch and killA man predestined to depart this lifeBy the assassin’s bullet, bomb or knife.Sir, once there was a President who freedTen million slaves; and once there was a CzarWho freed five times as many serfs. Sins…
When Liberverm resigned the chair
For two decades he’d gorged his brainWith more than it could well contain,In order to relieve the stressHe took to writing for the press.Then Pondronummus said, ‘I’ll helpThis mine of talent to devel’p;’And straightway bought with coin and creditThe _Thundergust_ for him to edit.The great man seized the pen and inkAnd wrote so hard he…
KRASLAJORSK, SIBERIA, March 29.
DANENHOWER.From the regions of the Night,Coming with recovered sightFrom the spell of darkness free,What will Danenhower see?He will see when he arrives,Doctors taking human lives.He will see a learned judgeWhose decision will not budgeTill both litigants are fleecedAnd his palm is duly greased.Lawyers he will see who fightDay by day and night by night;Never both…
‘Twas a serious person with locks of gray
His gravity, clearly, had come to stay,But his smile was evanescent.He stood and conversed with a neighbor, andWith (likewise) a high falsetto;And he stabbed his forefinger into his handAs if it had been a stiletto.His words, like the notes of a tenor drum,Came out of his head unblended,And the wonderful altitude of someWas exceptionally splendid.While…