to this union all for life
he appointed you my wife.
Did he plan that double chin
and that early morning grin
cellulite hides in the dark
and your bite just beats your bark.
Gray’s been covered, now brunette
but the pubic hair when wet
looks like winter wonderland,
things I will not understand
have come up through many seasons
but, of course, you have your reasons.
You’ve forgotten how to flex
fall asleep and skip the sex.
Things are not what they once were
and you think I sometimes err
where you used to trust me blindly
I repaid you, rather kindly
as you know our equal rights
once replaced those nasty fights
but today you think you can
question me, your favourite man!
I suggest that at this stage
we can start another page,
all you need to do, my dear
listen carefully and hear
wisdom as I do pronounce
truthful morsels, ounce by ounce.
Let’s consider all your words
erudite but free as birds,
thus they will take early flight
and as spouse you’ll see the light
shining brightly, just for you
after all, you said ‘I do’